Days 12 and 13
I may have missed yesterday’s post (bad blogger!) but that doesn’t mean I missed the chance to contemplate on what has made me grateful. So today is a two-fer. I’m grateful for two things, seemingly anachronistic, but actually vital to each other’s worth.
You know what they say about sharks that don’t swim forward. Well, humans too in my opinion. Our “swimming” may look different, but if we don’t change and move forward we’ll die. Either emotionally, psychologically, or literally. Truly literally, not Chris Traeger literally. Many of the cells in our body are constantly regenerating and changing. And while that whole “our body is completely regenerated every 7 years” factoid is partially a myth (which I was disappointed to discover as it would have been a great zing to illustrate my point), it is true that millions of our body’s cells regenerate every day, and all but the cells of the cerebral cortex, the inner lens of the eye, and the muscles of the heart will completely regenerate several times in our lifetime. (Glad the point still pretty much works). To sum up, change is a necessary part of life.
I’ve been thinking back to last year and how much has changed just in the act of getting engaged. I’ve gone from someone’s girlfriend to someone’s fiance. Next year I will become someone’s wife. Not just someone’s. Brad Light’s. My sweet wonderful Brad. I’ve been thinking back to some of the trepidation I had at first of going through this transformation. So many unknowns. Such big steps. I think now about how happy I am. What a wonderful place I’m in; a place of excitement, eagerness, and honor that I will partake in such a sacred rite. So grateful that I didn’t allow fear to stunt this metamorphosis.
A year ago I still wanted to be a professional actor; well, to be more specific (and more honest) a movie stahh! There was a bitterness and toxicity attached to it that I just kept repressing and repressing. Finally in accepting my heart’s truth that I may be changing into something else, I have found peace of mind, I’ve found a renewed and more vibrant love of acting, and most importantly I’ve found goodness in my heart. I’ve let go of the jealousy, the anger, the bitterness, the worry, the judgement. I’ve discovered what it means to truly follow your bliss.
None of this would have happened if I hadn’t allowed change to occur, and I would have never survived the change had I not had the next thing I’m grateful for in this two-for-one special:
Routine. If all I do is routine, a serious case of the blues won’t be far behind. If everyday I wake up, drink coffee, go to work, drive home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed, sleep, wake up, repeat…. you get the picture; I would be a dead shark. And yet creature comforts must not be discounted completely for they are just that, comforts. In times of my life that I’ve suffered from terrible anxiety (usually related to fear of change) it is turning to certain routines that has given me the strength to let change occur. Bubble baths. My favorite foods. Mac & Cheese! A date with Brad. Walking along the beach. Snuggling with my cats. Talking to my Mom. Painting. Writing. Watching my favorite movie. This time of year is such a perfect example of the comfort and strength of routine. You know what makes it palatable to face a new 365 days of unknowns every year? Christmas carols. Eggnog lattes. Holiday cards. Mistletoe. Cinnamon. Apple cider. Baking. Snowmen. Snuggling by a fire. I love Christmas because it’s the epitome of comforting. And it rolls around like clockwork. Like a routine or something.
All of these things are not wildly outside of my comfort zone. They give me peace. They are the layer of security I need in order to walk boldly into the unknown.
So for today, a double-bill of thanks is appropriate for their respective topics. For Day 12 and Day 13: I’m thankful for the yesterday that brought me to today.
See ya tomorrow.